How
to win an argument
“The only way to win an
argument is to avoid getting into the issue”. What a Great words! Discussions help in many ways. We learn many
things through discussions. In discussions we submit our ideas, plans to solve
a problem. At the same time we may hear other people ideas which we may not
imagine. They may have better ideas than us. We need the support of all the
people in the team to achieve common goal. We have to respect others ideas and
suggestion in problem solving. We have to respect each others ideas and
integrity. Though we may disagree the others ideas, but have to respect the
others best ideas in a dignified parliamentary way.
Discussion is
an exchange of knowledge but an argument is an exchange of ignorance. The
purpose of any argument is not to show superiority or authority but draw useful
conclusions to the topic. Don’t blame the discussion if it fails to give
fruitful results. You try to find out the true reasons for it, where it fails
to deliver the goods. Don’t blame others. Blame has no possible effect on any
one. It doesn’t bring results.
Argument is not meant
for winning but for exchanging one another ideas and values. We shouldn’t
expect that one has to win and other has to loose. In an argument every one is
a winner. We should change our mind set up that the arguers are our enemies and
the thought of defeating them in the
argument. We should be open to the new creative ideas, thoughts and plans. We
have to evaluate the best alternative among ideas and collectively think the
pros and cons of the idea before selecting it. Generally we try to find the
faults and weaknesses of others in the discussions. It is not good. This
tendency creates you more enemies. Argument means submitting our ideas before
others.
We have a blind faith
since ages is that Winner take all. The winner need not be compromised. He has
right to take every thing. If the winner is compromised it is viewed as
equivalent to defeat. It is Jettison the Winner take all model approach. It is
traditional and practiced since time immoral. In this approach the looser will be at
loosing end. He would be dissatisfied with the terms and conditions. He will
wait for the opportunity to revenge on the winner. There are many examples for
this in the history. The Looser waits for the opportunity for vengeance
The win- win solution is
developed by Roger Fisher, the author of ‘Getting to Yes ‘the best selling
book. Win- Win means meeting the essential interest of both the parties in a
quarrel or argument or conflict. It is
opposite to the Win – loose approach. It considers both parties interests and
concerns in settlement. No party can
claim gain in this approach. Both are winners and can claim equal credit. There
is no chance for Quid-pro-quo to any
party.
If two people are discussing without any fruitful result, there
is some kind of ignorance either of the two parties or both parties. Ignorance
and narrow mindedness will not allow constructive discussion. Most of the
arguments will become futile and time waste if they are not properly guided. .
Arguments are like crude scud missiles which should be kept in the bunkers but
not meant for carry them along. We have to live by practicing our values and
ideals but not with arguments and debates and discussions. The people who argue
or creating controversies may get temporary victories but they loose good will
always.
The aim of an argument meant for progress. The argument or
discussion is always better than sitting calmly and accepting the job. We have to be very careful with the people who dodge in
argument. Generally there is no use of exchanging of ideas with people
who has no respect on others opinions. Some people haven’t develop new
arguments but they argue on same point for thousands time. Some arguments have no twists and melodramas.
They burn up lot of energy with out any use. They always serve the purpose of
using energy creatively, constructively into draw practical and helpful
outcomes.
Tips
to avoid superfluous arguments
1.
Don’t wrangle
Don’t resort to
hostility. Be constructive in your argument and respect others values and
opinions. Don’t raise
your voice in the argument. Use soft tone to strengthen your argument. Don’t
divert the topic into wrong track. You
loose confidence among your team members.
2.
Try to find areas of
harmony and settlement
Find the areas of agreement. Be open and clear. Be on the Solution
side rather on the problem side. Don’t seek problems.
3.
Focus only on the
objectives of Discussion
Stick to the basics. Focus only on what you need and want. Always keep
an eye on the objective of the discussion. Don’t give chance for Ego in the
discussion. Make the discussion more practical. Forget about your position in
the discussion. Don’t expect that every body has to accept your stand point.
Search for best solution.
4.
Quickly accept your
faults and wrongs.
If other people are right, don’t hesitate to accept your faults.
It shows your maturity and wisdom. Let new thoughts and approaches come into
act for the benefit of the organization. Your approach may be right in the past
but may be wrong in the new scenario and globalization. So gain new technology
or information or new system or new approach. Be update with time and place.
5.
Pay attention
Try to use more time in listening than speaking in the discussions.
Try to grasp the meaning of the words. Don’t be caught up in the ego and
position. Ask them descriptive and vivid questions. Ask them always open end
questions. Give them greater freedom to
search and seek new ideas and thoughts.
6.
Don’t Challenge
Don’t Challenge others. If you challenge others, it leads to
separatist tendencies and disconnectedness and arouse the feelings of ‘You and
Me ‘and superiority feelings. Always seek for best approach in the situation. The needs of the organization are
Complimentary but not contradicting.
7.
Strive for the best
solution in a given situation.
Attack the problem but
not the people. We need people in the
discussion are to be committed to a goal or plan and tied to a common approved
solution. If the team members are cooperated they can achieve targets with out
any conflicts.
8.
Conflict Resolution
Try to diffuse work place conflicts. Identify the conflicting
areas and skills to resolve the issues amicably. Gathering information,
identifying the problem areas, solving the problem of conflict. Identifying the conflicting contradiction,
formulate the ideal solution and identifying the amicable solution and
implementing the correct solution are the core areas of this process. Solutions
should be proposed by the disputant otherwise they can’t be implemented.
Arbitrator or team leader shouldn’t suggest solutions for the problems.
9. Leave
hasty conclusions
Don’t come to
conclusions by listening one side only. Listen both the arguments and come to
an idea.
Dr.Kesiraju Ramprasad
Educational Psychologist
