How to win an argument

                           How to win an argument

“The only way to win an argument is to avoid getting into the issue”. What a Great words!  Discussions help in many ways. We learn many things through discussions. In discussions we submit our ideas, plans to solve a problem. At the same time we may hear other people ideas which we may not imagine. They may have better ideas than us. We need the support of all the people in the team to achieve common goal. We have to respect others ideas and suggestion in problem solving. We have to respect each others ideas and integrity. Though we may disagree the others ideas, but have to respect the others best ideas in a dignified parliamentary way.

Discussion is an exchange of knowledge but an argument is an exchange of ignorance. The purpose of any argument is not to show superiority or authority but draw useful conclusions to the topic. Don’t blame the discussion if it fails to give fruitful results. You try to find out the true reasons for it, where it fails to deliver the goods. Don’t blame others. Blame has no possible effect on any one. It doesn’t bring results.

Argument is not meant for winning but for exchanging one another ideas and values. We shouldn’t expect that one has to win and other has to loose. In an argument every one is a winner. We should change our mind set up that the arguers are our enemies and the thought of defeating them  in the argument. We should be open to the new creative ideas, thoughts and plans. We have to evaluate the best alternative among ideas and collectively think the pros and cons of the idea before selecting it. Generally we try to find the faults and weaknesses of others in the discussions. It is not good. This tendency creates you more enemies. Argument means submitting our ideas before others.

We have a blind faith since ages is that Winner take all. The winner need not be compromised. He has right to take every thing. If the winner is compromised it is viewed as equivalent to defeat. It is Jettison the Winner take all model approach. It is traditional and practiced since time immoral.   In this approach the looser will be at loosing end. He would be dissatisfied with the terms and conditions. He will wait for the opportunity to revenge on the winner. There are many examples for this in the history. The Looser waits for the opportunity  for vengeance

The win- win solution is developed by Roger Fisher, the author of ‘Getting to Yes ‘the best selling book. Win- Win means meeting the essential interest of both the parties in a quarrel or argument or conflict.  It is opposite to the Win – loose approach. It considers both parties interests and concerns in settlement.  No party can claim gain in this approach. Both are winners and can claim equal credit. There is no chance for Quid-pro-quo to any party.

If two people are discussing without any fruitful result, there is some kind of ignorance either of the two parties or both parties. Ignorance and narrow mindedness will not allow constructive discussion. Most of the arguments will become futile and time waste if they are not properly guided. . Arguments are like crude scud missiles which should be kept in the bunkers but not meant for carry them along. We have to live by practicing our values and ideals but not with arguments and debates and discussions. The people who argue or creating controversies may get temporary victories but they loose good will always. 

The aim of an argument meant for progress. The argument or discussion is always better than sitting calmly and accepting the job. We have to be very careful with the people who dodge in argument.  Generally there is no use of exchanging of ideas with people who has no respect on others opinions. Some people haven’t develop new arguments but they argue on same point for thousands time.  Some arguments have no twists and melodramas. They burn up lot of energy with out any use. They always serve the purpose of using energy creatively, constructively into draw practical and helpful outcomes. 

Tips to avoid superfluous arguments

1.   Don’t wrangle

    Don’t resort to hostility. Be constructive in your argument and respect others values and opinions. Don’t raise your voice in the argument. Use soft tone to strengthen your argument. Don’t divert the topic into wrong track.  You loose confidence among your team members.

2.   Try to find areas of harmony and settlement

Find the areas of agreement. Be open and clear. Be on the Solution side rather on the problem side. Don’t seek problems.

3.   Focus only on the objectives of Discussion

Stick to the basics. Focus only on what you need and want. Always keep an eye on the objective of the discussion. Don’t give chance for Ego in the discussion. Make the discussion more practical. Forget about your position in the discussion. Don’t expect that every body has to accept your stand point. Search for best solution.

4.   Quickly accept your faults and wrongs.

If other people are right, don’t hesitate to accept your faults. It shows your maturity and wisdom. Let new thoughts and approaches come into act for the benefit of the organization. Your approach may be right in the past but may be wrong in the new scenario and globalization. So gain new technology or information or new system or new approach. Be update with time and place.

5.   Pay attention

Try to use more time in listening than speaking in the discussions. Try to grasp the meaning of the words. Don’t be caught up in the ego and position. Ask them descriptive and vivid questions. Ask them always open end questions.  Give them greater freedom to search and seek new ideas and thoughts.

6.   Don’t Challenge

Don’t Challenge others. If you challenge others, it leads to separatist tendencies and disconnectedness and arouse the feelings of ‘You and Me ‘and superiority feelings. Always seek for best approach in the situation. The needs of the organization are Complimentary but not contradicting.

7.   Strive for the best solution in a given situation.

Attack the problem but not the people. We need people in the discussion are to be committed to a goal or plan and tied to a common approved solution. If the team members are cooperated they can achieve targets with out any conflicts.

8.   Conflict Resolution

Try to diffuse work place conflicts. Identify the conflicting areas and skills to resolve the issues amicably. Gathering information, identifying the problem areas, solving the problem of conflict. Identifying the conflicting contradiction, formulate the ideal solution and identifying the amicable solution and implementing the correct solution are the core areas of this process. Solutions should be proposed by the disputant otherwise they can’t be implemented. Arbitrator or team leader shouldn’t suggest solutions for the problems.

9.   Leave hasty conclusions

Don’t come to conclusions by listening one side only. Listen both the arguments and come to an idea.

Dr.Kesiraju Ramprasad

Educational Psychologist